not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
