Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize