my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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