I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
