tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We need a shit load of segways right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
