Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
