maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
