I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
