i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
