it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
