I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
