I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
