i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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