can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
