I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cockslap morals
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize