my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
