I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
