Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
