3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
