Me. At least after what I've been through.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
