so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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