Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
