malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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