Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize