i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
