Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
