is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
