remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
