Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
