operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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