Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
