The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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