I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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