You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
