Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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