I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to calm my uterus...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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