You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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