he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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