and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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