he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
