dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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