Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
