ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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