watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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