Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
