did you get engaged???
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
