dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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