sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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