I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
