Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
