take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
