He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
