Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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