fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
