Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
