Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
