I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize