I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
