I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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