I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
