Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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