I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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