it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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