i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
