I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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