I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
