thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
