Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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