Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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