There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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