Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize