get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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