I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
