Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My balls are so social today.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
