your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
