Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
