Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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