i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
