I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
