dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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