that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
