Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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