What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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