Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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